“Abandon all hope! Ye who enter here”

 

 

 

By the time my parents moved to the Bronx in 1970 they had themselves three boys. Myself, Jesus, and Ricardo accompanied our mother and father to follow some whacked out dream they where sold on by other family members who had left beautiful PuertoRico. We landed at Kennedy Airport, at which time I got my Pan Am wings from the pilot. A life long love affair with flying had been born. I am not sure what the hell kinda story got my parents to leave a tropical paradise for the Bronx. It must have been on hell of a pack of bullshit creatively spun by several of aunts and uncles.

Map of the 1970's cesspool / "promised land" called the Bronx.

The mighty Bronx New York. In 1970 is was falling apart due to several reasons. First of which was the mandatory busing laws to integrate the school system. Second, and it goes hand in hand with the first reason, was because of racial tensions in the area. Riots and protests where rampant due to police brutality and unfair treatment of minorities. Here is an article that I found that can tell you the situation our simple ”campesino” family where plunged into. Here is an article I found that can better explain what was going on in the south Bronx. I collected the pictures from other sources.

 

 

General Background: The 1970s were a disastrous time for the city of New York. The city experienced its greatest loss of population, from its 1970 peak of 7,896,000 to 7,092,000, a loss equal to the population of San Francisco. The city itself came close to virtual bankruptcy. The area of the city most distressed during this period was the south Bronx, located just to the north of Manhattan Island (Manhattan houses the city’s business core, second largest in the world after central Tokyo).

 

The South Bronx: By 1975, the South Bronx was the most devastated urban landscape in the United States. The three community districts that comprise the core of the South Bronx had fallen 57 percent in population from 383,000 in 1970 to 166,000 in 1980, which has to rival the greatest short term population loss in any urban setting with the possible exception of war’s devastation.

 

The Puerto Rican American dream in the Bronx, New York!

 Further, apartment owners, facing financial ruin, arranged for their buildings to be burned (arson) so that they could recover some of their investment through insurance. As Robert Worth notes:… the Bronx began to burn in about 1970. Some of the fires were accidents, the inevitable result of decaying electrical systems. Many were set by landlords who would then collect the insurance money. Often they would sell the building–whether it was still inhabited or not–to “finishers” who would strip out the electrical wiring, plumbing fixtures, and anything else that could be sold for a profit before torching it. “Sometimes there’d be a note delivered telling you the place would burn that night,” one man who lived through the period told me. “Sometimes not.” People got used to sleeping with their shoes on, so that they could escape if the building began to burn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Bronx was being burned down or left to rot by indifference and racial blight.

 A virtual War on the City: At the same time, during the late 1960s, many American cities experienced civil disorders, which included rioting and arson. Further, the nation was experiencing an explosion in the crime rate, with the greatest increases occurring in the inner cities. These factors combined with the government policies noted above to produce a landscape in the South Bronx that could be accurately described as similar to that of German cities after Allied bombing at the end of World War II or London after the Blitz. But there had been no war — this Blitz had been the unwitting result of government policies that had all been justified by what were perceived as high ideals — aid to the poor, affordable housing and improved education for minority students.Some of the same factors and government policies contributed to urban decline in other communities around the nation. Central city population losses during the 1970s were the greatest of any decade since World War II, both in terms of real numbers and percentages.For the South Bronx, the result was a virtual leveling of large tracts of land, with a loss of 40 percent of its housing stock. What emerged was a landscape that has accurately compared to that of bombed out German cities after World War II. Dreams just as shattered as the buildings.

                                                                                                                                                                                                 

 

As a small child,4 yrs old. This would have been my perspective of the "New World"..

 

A view of the “Burning Bronx” from a subway train.

Well, that is some story about the fairytale land overflowing with milk and honey that was our (new?)  home. When I started to gather the pictures and info I felt and intense repressed resentment that I had forgotten over the years. I loved my lush green mountain birthplace. Then, at the tender age of  four yrs old I was exposed to a war zone! Miles and miles of buildings destroyed in one form or another. Crime, rioting, drug dealing and God knows what else, was the nature of things there in the 1970’s. My heart was broken. I know can say where it was in my life when Victor became scared of the world. I must have cried for months after we landed in the hellhole you see before you. I do recall the building we lived in. It sadly stood was all by itself in the middle of a sea of crumbled bricks. Roaches the size of mice. It had to be a shock to my system when all I knew up to that point was freedom and fearlessness. in a perfect tropical island.  That perfection was traded for stench and rot. What the hell where my parents thinking???? When they saw how bad it was in New york why didn’t they just go back to what was peaceful and safe? I am in a great deal of pain over the flood of un-resolved traumas that these images have brought back to the surface. I can understand why I chose to block those times out of my mind for so long. (PRINCESS>>>Thank you!!! I am profoundly grateful to you).  I was a free spirit that could roam my red clay land without fear of any kind. Once, my grandmother came to visit and I yelled and screamed for her to take me with her. It wasn’t that I wanted to be with Grandma. I wanted to go back home to my bright sunny and happy life! I can see this now in hindsight. I sit here writing and feeling overwhelming emotions of injustice and resentment towards my parents. I was told often that I was rebellious and had a tendency of act out. I understand that “I was raging against the dying of the light”. Even as young as I was, I could tell what was good for me from what was frightful and horrifying. I resisted, for what seemed like ages, against the ugliness we found ourselves living in.

My personality of unlimited innocence and pure love was slowly being eroded by the dispair surrounding me.

TO MY FRIEND OF LONG AGO:

       The love and warmth of my beloved shine in the world until even the coldest darkest clouds are parted. The grip of many long winters has been broken by the spring of her loveliness.   With sweet words she heals the wounds of my injured soul; and so it has, before space and time ever started. She brings to me strength and faith enough to end the famine of emptiness.   Eyes full of dreams, a soul abounding in love, a heart calling for beauty from the very ends of the earth. Wonderful it is to be in her presence, bathed in light, washed in her cleansing tears.   To her I answer, for her I breathe, through her I am granted a chance to live again, she brings rebirth. Oh, to be held in her arms and never released, never to be thrust upon the waters for a thousand years    

 ****     I come to her as a child who searches for safety from creatures that devour life and leave no hope. Lost in an endless sea of people battered by waves of indifference and whirlpools of hate was I.   An endless spring of life giving waters so pure, so vast no one can see ever its true scope. Gone astray has my soul been, with such timeless wanderings my spirit is about to wither and die.   In her essence of strength and splendor I have found a place to grow beyond all any belief. Yea! Around her I am nurtured like the gardens of heaven, sprouting, reaching upon high for more.   The deserts that confounded me are now lush, green, and with them came the most glorious relief. May I be able to bear life changing fruit that would bring her joys and songs galore!!!  

  ****       Dearest Friend, thank you for finding me, we are what each of us needs at this tumultuous time. A couple of people who are much more sensitive to the world’s energy, than most could ever strive to be.   My greatest deepest wish for us is to one day become better people with the caring of the other. How sublime! With a wondrous flavor different and a sweeter than the finest wine; our friendship will radiate in glory.   So; to you my long lost friend of ages past. I reach out my hand, take it and let’s walk to where it leads. Although: many obstacles and traps await our every step on our new journey of hope and faith.   They will do no damage if we can trust. As confidants we can stand happy among the ruins even if we need to bleed. With me your hopes, dreams, the innermost part of you is welcomed, honored and safe.

Dearest Misery,

I have fought against writing these words to you for many a year, my lovely Misery. With a broken heart I send these lines to you my sweet and most loyal friend. You have always been my closest companion. Since we met we had been completely inseparable. So much of who I used to be is directly due to the strong influence you had on me. I felt safe and secure when you where around. I found comfort in your presence. I never thought I could live without you.

I can still remember when we were first introduced when I was so young and impressionable. My family made sure that I got to know you well. The places where I grew up pushed us even closer together. We became, in a very short time, as one. Your strength and chaotic nature was too much for me to fight against. In my weakness you grew powerful. When I gave into you I found myself lost yet covered by your familiar influence. As time went by I could not live without you, my dear Misery. You taught me many things that I accepted as truth. Because of those beliefs my life was full of strife and chaos. They forced me to destroy all that was around me and let that destruction overwhelm me. You dwelled in conflict and I could always find you in the empty faces of your other lovers. You gave me your greatest of all gifts. Hate. Hate for myself and everything on this planet. I destroyed all that came to me. My attitude was one based on what I wanted and at any cost. I put on a show of anger and intimidation thinking that people scared of me was better than having people that actually cared about me.

After years of pain and agony I realized one thing above all, that you my trusted friend actually are my worst enemy. I allowed you to steal my joy countless times. In the fear you instilled in me I did not let the beauty of this world enter my heart. With your advice I cheated myself from wonderful times and people. We went to the darkest of places together and did even darker things to myself and other people. You encouraged me to go on a path of self destruction and death. With your help I avoided life in all its true glory. I believed your lies and behaved like a monster taking and forcing myself unto others. Oh yeah. I was a “tough guy” alright.

Misery, Sweet Misery, you are a liar and full of deceit. You had me so fooled for so long. Your only aim is to rob me of peace and serenity. You entangle whole communities and even countries with your garbage. You make people think only of themselves and nothing more and only for that one final result; DEATH.

So, today I write you this letter of fare thee not so well. I renounce you and what you stand for. I will leave you behind me as easily as a nightmare awakened from. Like a prisoner that has been set free from condemnation I will leave you in my memories. No longer will I bend to you and the evil you bring. No more tears shall be shed in your honor. No more blood will I spill to satisfy your hunger. I will stand against you and your cronies where ever I may be. I will use the tools of truth and understanding against you. Misery, you are the true monster full of so much evil and darkness. With the love I know that God has for me I will defeat you at every turn. In his light you have no power to deceive any longer. Although, you are very persistent, spiteful and will not let me go due to your obsessive, insane need to keep and control; let me tell you this. I am no longer alone and God is behind me woe to you and your minions if and when you come at me. And if you haven’t caught on yet, good bye forever Misery I no longer have time for you and your company. Don’t get a paper cut crumbling this letter.

Victor

Unlimited amounts of passion and desire, hidden behind reserved expressions. Dark are the eyes that beckon to be examined by the mind that can truly endure the light hidden within them. Thoughts unspoken, passions unreleased are awaiting the moment when they can express their song to an empty world. Heavy is the burden to carry such fire subdued within the soul. Restless is the body, in vain breaths are taken to curb the intensity of what screams and demands to be set free. Oh, to be adored and seen as something beyond this dimension, further still than the heavens. The touch that is akin to bathing in the purest of waters is desired above many things. To be immersed in the arms of a soul that allows the flow of sensuality throughout the body. Lovely is the pricking of the skin when the breath of him is against your ear. Touching of lips quivering with the delight of satisfaction, innocent giggles waft across the seas of life. Heartbeats cannot help but to reach a crescendo of ecstasy to the rhythm of mutual excitement. Comfort found within the glory of togetherness. Thunder is heard when the when in the silence wonderful passion is found.

Pulses in tune with the rhythm of love’s song
breath shallow and weak from the kisses born in fire

When two souls find each other like this how can it be wrong?
Oh the longing for ecstacy, overwheling want and desire.

 Skin, warm to the touch of a sensual hand, quivers in delight.
Tongues searching for each other finding an explosion of passion.
Bodies entwined in the throes of heated lust, as one, feels so right.
Hold me, kiss me, and fill me with the energy free of fear and caution.

 Cheek to cheek…the flow of power is limitless and without end.
Time loses its hold on the moment of such true yearning.
More than lover, more than just a person who can be called friend.
As days go by, closer and closer we find our hearts, growing, and learning.

 Such freedom is a thing of immense meaning and of great value.
Spirits cry out for the things that can make them complete.
To be free to be as you wish no shame or guilt, just imagine. Can you?
The moments two can share, dreams, joys and wishes is and can be a feat.

 Take my hand…in it is sincerity and innocence, strength and caring.
Though the world is muddled and oh so confused
To do what is needed to reached deep within, leaves one vulnerable but never un-daring. 

But a light and friendly risk a chance to feel those things we all need and to be lost in a passionate kiss is romance’s muse

Ok! Now, we shall take a walk back through time. Back to the few moments before I blessed this earth with my presence.

I was born in Puerto Rico in a then very small village named Comerio. The large chunk of land that my family owns by the sweat and tears left behind on the sugar cane fields by my grandfather Juan Delvalle; is located on the other side of the “Rio de Plata”, (silver river). The only way across to our land was to cross the river before the dam was built. After that one could safely walk across the river through a tunnel inside of the dam. Like most things built in Puerto Rico the dam was left to fall into disrepair long before it’s useful lifespan.

The dam that sits along my family's land to the left and up along the mountain side.

On November 6th in the evening my mother, in full labor, was carried over the area you see above, just imagine it without the dam. To a concrete building that served as the local health clinic. I revisited the said clinic years later and I was told it hadn’t changed at all since my birth. Boy!!!! I sure am glad that it was clean enough on my birthday! After many hours of labor, I Victor, came into this realm of existence. I greeted humanity with most likely a scream at around 3 am on Nov 7th, 1966. the world would never be the same since.

One of only a couple of "Main drags"

What you would see from where my family land is.

I could not find pictures of my village during the “pre-dam era”. It was much smaller then and the river was different as well. A short time later my family abandoned the land because it was too hard to live on the steep mountain and my grandfather got a job working with the City of Bayamon.

The house that my parents (Victor and Maria) brought me to was a clapboard shack. Yes! This sophisticated, elegant man started his first tenuous years living in a crappy wooden shack like those kids one can sponsor on late night TV.

Another View!

Only road I know of that can get you to my birthplace.

My village!!! Isn't it quaint?

I do not remember much about that time, but let me tell you the fragments of what I can remember BEFORE my 3rd birthday. After that we moved to the Bronx in New York.

I had a pit-bull named Palo Spanish for ”Stick” (wasn’t my idea). He was white with big brown spots. I recall climbing on his back and riding him like a horse. They tell me that the dog and I spent hours doing this and that we both loved it. Palo got sick and died! This was the beginning of my love for dogs! At a very young age I was blessed with a fantastic companion. Although, I hardly remember him I can’t help but have a few, yet very fond memories of my faithful and first best friend PALO!!!  We shall meet again; buddy! I believe that having had the chance of owning such a great dog that today I love to own them when I can. So, if you wanna be my friend be at least dog tolerant!

the village flag.

The village seal/coat of arms

 

If your interested in more info about where this handsome creature came from, please visit. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comer%C3%ADo,_Puerto_Rico

 

I do remember that my father had a rabbit hutch and how I used to break into it to play with the bunnies. Somehow I think I also liked to watch my dog chase em! Get em! Palo. Get em! Under the one room shack house we lived in was the chicken coop! You heard correctly. The shack stood on cinder blocks so the visible space under it was wrapped in chicken wire. I used to crawl under there and take eggs to feed the dog with. Imagine that, a toddler and a pit-bull scurrying under a shack through dusty red clay and dry chicken crap to get at the eggs!!

I do recall my father smashing a guitar he had. I have no clue why.

During the rain my cousins and I used to play in the mud puddles. OH!!! I remember when we got a bit more evolved and actually built a latrine behind the shack it was a family event. That shack stood until 2003 and we will revisit it again as my story goes on. There was a field in front of the plot my grandfather bought In Bayamon. He kept it planted with plantains (a large banana like thingy). We used to play in that field and the part that was not planted, a strange plant grew about 12ft tall or so. Individual stalks akin to sunflower stalks. The leaves where soft and it was used as toilet paper by the family. That field no longer exists it was parcelled out and and by 2005 houses grew on it.

I do not recall much more about my first 3 yrs of life……If I do, I will post below this sentence.

Greetings World full of wonder and wonderful people!!

This is my first entry into the world of blogging. I would like to start it right by dedicating it to the lady who introduced me to blogging. 

To Amber, Since the day we crossed paths it has been a truly wonderful and highly enjoyable time. You have such passion and wit within yourself that I find so admirable in a person. Your ability to discuss almost anything under the Sun, intellectually and with an open mind, has brought this man hours of good company and excellent conversation. The sweetness and depth that is your soul has been a welcome thing! Above all, To my new friend I thank you for your sincerity! And I thank the powers that be to have met you, it has been a blessing and I am sure I wont be quite the same! Imagine, all that just by being yourself!!!

To the rest of this great big world. Welcome to what may be a fascinating chapter in my life. I look forward to allowing you into mine and following along as I grow and change into what I always wanted to be. As I look forward into having a glimpse into your journey through this life!

How to start this blog was a tough question to ask. So, what I have decided to do is to tell my story from my earliest memories and adventures in my 42 yrs of living. hope I don’t bore you to tears. What  I would like most is that all of you, somehow, find common ground with the things I have been through and think of. And please know and understand there might be sensitive subjects that I cover that may seem troubled or traumatic, even shocking. However, I will not write anything that I haven’t come to terms with or find too private. With that said……..Keep in touch, please comment, I am open for corresponding.

PEACE BE TO YOU!!!!………….Lets go for a ride, shall we???